This is a post, not from me, but a good friend a dear brother, who shared with me his experience through darkness and hardship. This is his story, his soliloquy during his tough times, in his weakness and moments of fragility. Here I share with you: A Soliloquy In Desperation.
A Soliloquy
In Desperation
Specially dedicated to my dearest brother,
Whom has been always by my side through summers and winters,
Listening, encouraging and comforting me with utmost patience and love.
Supplication
To gain victory,
A victory of ten thousand
gold,
I have made my plea known
to You,
And eagerly
apprehended for the day,
The second when my yearn
is finally fulfilled.
Many days many nights,
Even before daybreak
and after twilight,
I have knelt before
Your mercy seat,
Making petitions like
never before,
Making promises,
uttering praises.
O Lord, omniscience
and omnipotence adorned,
O Father, my creator
that understands thoroughly,
How important is this
victory to me, and I begged,
That this is not made
into a trial,
That You would grant
me defeat to test me.
Submit to His will is
an obligation,
But my heart is
troubled.
What if his will is my
defeat, just what if?
Is there truly no room
for compromise?
Is it certain that His
every decision is absolute?
I have spent most of
my time,
To worry, to worry in
vain.
You as if have shown
me signs,
Signs of your own dear
presence,
As my beacon towards
success.
I believed it will be
granted if I asked,
My mind meditated on
examples of the past,
Of those prayers were
heard.
I entrusted, I prayed,
I waited,
I knew victory would
surely be mine.
Despair
Then suddenly, the
tragedy struck me,
Overpowering me like a
tempest,
Laden with terror and
sorrow,
Calling all my efforts
void,
Destructing every
single possible path.
My heart was in desolation,
Because the hope, the
confidence, the optimism,
The very beautiful
anticipation,
They had all departed
in no time,
Leaving the negatives
in dominion.
My soul was in
drought,
As the desert earth,
fractured,
Scorched by the wild
sun,
Its skeleton laid
bare,
There, longing for
some drizzle.
Ponder
And I searched every
corner,
Every compartment of
my inside,
Where were you O
faith?
Look! Is that not…
Oh help! It was down
at the nadir!
O Lord, are You not a
God of impartial?
Why do I need to go
through these when others do not?
Is this just what I
deserve after all these days?
Were You not with me
always?
Why? Why?
Grace
But then I realized,
Perhaps this was a
true tough trial,
Only to set me in a
place fearful and futile,
To be renewed and
refined,
To be a better vessel
of God.
The walls were set,
Walls of protecting,
not confining,
Because He sees beyond
the present,
Because He considers
with His wisdom,
And holds on to my
hand as I journey.
But even so,
May God restore me,
That I may soon forgo,
Out of this fearful
shadow,
Into a place with
wonderful hopes.
O Lord my everlasting
portion, the God of love,
Your grace extends
from generation to generation,
Your faithfulness
endures eternally.
I shall let my faith
revive in You,
To trust in You and
You only,
*Epilogue*
Psalm 23:1-4 --
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
~Hymn 394~
