As you can see from my title, I am leaving now, temporarily of course, not forever. I think I have to concentrate on my trial exam starting this coming Thursday, and by concentrate I mean 100% focused, so no distractions whatsoever, including blogging and Facebook. So today will be the day you last see me here, until the end of trials, falling on the 21st. I know, it will be a long time, but this time I have to really do my best, as it might be crucial for any scholarships.
All this is about self discipline. I'm really hoping for the best this time, aiming for the top, wouldn't bear to let myself down, or the people around me, especially my parents. They've been supporting me my whole life, not more disappointment allowed. Honestly, I felt that I've made them down for the last few times, because my results were deteriorating. I was preparing for the scholarship a couple of days before, and it came to me that I am actually worsening (my results) since Form 1, my placement was dropping year by year. This year, the worst thing happened -- Joseph outdid me for the first time in high school, not by a little, but A WHOLE DARN LOT. Questions came from my parents, I questioned myself, I realized that I was really slacking off. So I told myself at that time, this is NOT going to repeat, EVER AGAIN.
During the interview, she asked my view on the consistency of my results. I was struck and paused. I knew I have to be completely honest, so I told her, I went down the slope. She agreed. It was embarrasing. She asked my why, and I replied, I underestimated the midyear examination because I skipped the first test. She nodded and said, I can see that. Imagine that happening in your interview. Things are not going to turn out nice AT ALL. So I felt that I have let myself down academically, not only in the interview but throughout my whole secondary life. This is for sure not not of the best interviews I've had, so I think I'm barely likely to be selected, although the final decision are not on the interviewer's hands. I will not murmur, because this is the price I have to pay, a HUGE price indeed.
Sorry if I let you down for not going to the college you wanted me to, I can still look for another scholarship, God's will. We (my brother and I) had a bet, to see who made though the interview. You know what, even if he wins, I'm okay with it, because he deserved it. Despite not being in any formal interviews before, I can see that he did his best and I would congratulate him if he wins. I'm proud of him. Will write about brotherly rivalry some day, so much to say about it.
It's true when people say study for yourself, as you have to eventually bear the consequences for not doing so yourself. Keep this in mind, and do your best in shaping yourself as an all-rounded individual, this is what I've learnt so far. All the best to those sitting for the state trial exam starting tomorrow, Good Luck and may God bless you.
That's all for now, till we meet again.