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Awesomeness in plain text
The F Word
Wednesday, September 26, 2012 @ 9/26/2012 09:05:00 PM

The F word, is like a knife, a sharp blade, which pierces into the body, mind and soul, leaving a person to suffer in agony, torturing, tormenting. A voice inside me jeers, sneers, laughs at me, but I can do nothing, because it was all my own fault. The F word, the word I initially thought I would never encounter with in my whole life, it came to me today. 

It was heartbreaking, I was devastated. I had a strong feeling that this would happen, but why now? Why not other times, when everything is still not as important as it is now? Everything I predicted fell apart, all my confidence is diminished, I am weak. It came out of the blue, out of nowhere, I didn't see it coming at all. It caught me by surprise, it was unbelievable. Now that it had happened, I am speechless. The fact that I could not blame anyone for it made it haunt me every single moment. How am I supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to confront my parents? I had let them down, I let myself down. 

My future is a blur. 

My record is spoiled. This is a catastrophe. How will people see me when they noticed this? Am I deteriorating? Am I really not as good as others? Will I continue to drown in this whirlpool, which is so hard to escape, pulling my down into the dark and formless hole without and end? I am no different than others now. I am deprived from many chances I initially had, but now have no more.

Help me, O Lord. I can’t do this all by myself, I need you. I hate myself. I am frustrated. I feel like screaming but I can only do it inside. It hurts. 

Joshua is my name
Awesomeness exist in simplicity
Like the red in the rose,
And the green in the grass.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
I'm just speciality hidden in ordinary

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