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Awesomeness in plain text
The F Word
Wednesday, September 26, 2012 @ 9/26/2012 09:05:00 PM



The F word, is like a knife, a sharp blade, which pierces into the body, mind and soul, leaving a person to suffer in agony, torturing, tormenting. A voice inside me jeers, sneers, laughs at me, but I can do nothing, because it was all my own fault. The F word, the word I initially thought I would never encounter with in my whole life, it came to me today. 

It was heartbreaking, I was devastated. I had a strong feeling that this would happen, but why now? Why not other times, when everything is still not as important as it is now? Everything I predicted fell apart, all my confidence is diminished, I am weak. It came out of the blue, out of nowhere, I didn't see it coming at all. It caught me by surprise, it was unbelievable. Now that it had happened, I am speechless. The fact that I could not blame anyone for it made it haunt me every single moment. How am I supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to confront my parents? I had let them down, I let myself down. 

My future is a blur. 

My record is spoiled. This is a catastrophe. How will people see me when they noticed this? Am I deteriorating? Am I really not as good as others? Will I continue to drown in this whirlpool, which is so hard to escape, pulling my down into the dark and formless hole without and end? I am no different than others now. I am deprived from many chances I initially had, but now have no more.

Help me, O Lord. I can’t do this all by myself, I need you. I hate myself. I am frustrated. I feel like screaming but I can only do it inside. It hurts. 


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Awesomeness exist in simplicity
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