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Awesomeness in plain text
Thursday, November 3, 2011 @ 11/03/2011 07:14:00 PM
Every time I felt that there are tonnes of things to blog about, but it all turned out zero when I sit in front of the computer. Sometimes I admire people who are capable of posting passages and passages non-stop, but what I can do is to only read them.

People say I have a strong grasp of language power, some say that I got a handful on how to communicate with others. Nevertheless I could never persuade myself that I am like what people think of me, because how can someone who can't write have good writing skills? How can I be good in talking when I can't even talk properly in front of a person, not to say in front of the public? All the time I tried to convince myself that I am those kinds of persons who don't like to talk, who bottles up feelings and only listen to others, but not voicing out any opinions. In fact, I AM that kind of person, but in real life it seemed that in the eyes of others, I am not. When doing group projects, I wanted to do it on my own, I don't like group-study, group discussions and group presentations, I want to do things MYSELF. This might sound crazy, but its the truth - I don't like going out with friends.

Okay I admit, this is half true. I don't like going out with friends, except those friends whom I really trust and treasure. There is no specific definition on how do I classify my 'normal' and 'close' friends. I just follow what i feel. When I like this specific person, I would naturally put him/her under my 'best friend' group. I don't really care if they know it or not, I don't care if I had thoroughly understood them or not, I don't care what people think about them. This is my way of socializing, and I'm happy with it. Frankly, I may have a lot of friends, but I only have a few 'true friends'. I believe that maybe one day our friendship would fade away, but I would never possibly forget them for the rest of my life.

Back to my self-questioning, am I lacking confidence? I don't know, people say that I have great confidence in whatever I do. I guess that's my problem - I don't know what's the problem. Now this is confusing..... I am always saying that "People say this...." and "People say that..."  about me, and I often regard what people said as the truth. People say I'm confident, okay, I am confident. People say I'm too shy, okay I'm too shy. That's me. What should I do?

I admit that I do not deserve some things that I currently have, and I know that there is someone more suitable to have it than me. I know that people are talking behind my back: He does not deserve this, I have better capabilities, what is so good about him? blah blah blah... They know that I knew, but they just won't stop! This is insulting but I have nothing to do other than to keep quiet and shut up, let the injustice and agony hurt like a needle straight to my heart until I feel numb. Well, I withstood the pressure all these days and fortunately, I am used to it. Call me names, look down on me, humiliate me, challenge me, do whatever you like, I won't care, never.

I do not mean to discriminate anyone in this post, or to express my hurt feelings or to show that I am pity whatsoever. This is just a note to those friends of mine: I'll bear with you for some more time, and then I will kick the X of you out of my entire life. Pick on me and suffer the consequences.

Too straightforward but I hope you won't mind. Some of my friends say that I am TOO hypocritical. It's time to show that I am NOT.   :)

Joshua is my name
Awesomeness exist in simplicity
Like the red in the rose,
And the green in the grass.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
I'm just speciality hidden in ordinary

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colour : colorpicker
designer : smexy.love
quotes : Yes, Jesus loves me
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